Diary
by Azure Levesque
Summary: A distressed Orihime is confused about how it all ended... wanting to understand the past and the memories of them that she has been surpressing, Orihime, refusing to burden her friends with her concerns, picks up her diary...
1. Reaquainted…

**Disclaimer**: I, Azure Rayna-Marise Lévesque, do not own Orihime Inoue or Kurosaki Ichigo. As a matter of fact, I don't own any of the characters from Bleach. --

What I do own is: a handy-dandy notebook, 3 mechanical pencils, an HP desktop computer, and my thoughts…

oh… and clothes… food… and such. Don't want to forget those now do we…

**Author's Note**: woo I'm very excited. This is my first FanFic… and, as a side note, my first "story"… - Well… that is if you excluded the countless pieces of beep that I've written for English. So please, if you may, shower me with "constructive" criticism.

Oh, and by the way… If you get confused, it's okay, as I was typing this up I changed my mind about the direction I wanted to go in… so the story may not exactly "click." But it will soon. hints that they should come back to read 2nd chapter wink wink nudge

**Background**: Alright, so in my own twisted world of Bleach, in all of its cleaning wonder, everything is over. Now… when I say "everything", I mean… EVERYTHING. The battles, the crying, the "Ichigo-jumps-in-to-protect-everyone," the whole "issue-with-the-Vizards," the "I-have-a-hole-in-me" Espadas, and of course… the fillers. Basically, Inoue is in ultra-reminisce mode, she's confused beyond her wits ends and she um… reminisces.

Just saying… the plot really isn't revealed in this chapter.

I don't even want to call it a chapter.

It's like a prelude.

Like…. "Hey everyone, get ready…"

Anyway… Enjoy -

* * *

Diary1. (-Remembrance--): Reacquainted

* * *

_Yasutora Sado?_

_Hai._

After all that's happened…

_Michiru Ugawa?_

_Hai._

After all the blood shed…

_Ryou Kunieda?_

_Hai._

After all the heartache…

_Uryuu Ishida?_

…………

_Hai._

How can one return to such normalcy?

_Orihime Inoue?_

I don't understand.

_Orihime Inoue?_

I can only remember.

_Orihime Inoue?_

The sacrifices made…

A tap on the shoulder.

"**Hai."**

_Kurosaki Ichigo?_

A smile.

_Hai._

Roll call continued.

_Chizuru Honshou?_

I paid no attention.

_Hai._

My mind… elsewhere.

_Mizuiro Kojima?_

Elsewhere…

_Hai._

on the past.

_Tatsuki Arisawa?_

The voices fade.

_Hai._

And with that…

_Keigo Asano?_

…they were gone.

* * *

"Memory... is the diary that we all carry about with us." (_Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest)_

* * *

→**the night before←**

* * *

Dear Diary…

…she stopped.

It seems as if centuries have passed since Orihime last wrote anything resembling a journal entry. Recently, she found herself using it more as an agenda. Scheduling in appointments, noting holidays, and marking birthdays, she turned it into something that would keep what little remnants of her life that remained… intact.

They must never know…

With her thumb on the page, Orihime absentmindedly flipped the book over.

Leather-bound.

As if in a trance, gazing longingly at her journal, she became tense.

Cerulean… with yellow stitches.

There was a time where she would run home in a timely manner just to fill pages with her childish rants. No substance. Just rants... who wore what, who said what, and her favorite… Chizuru's reaction to "Orihime's-Concoction-Du-Jour." Or so they teased.

Her name.

Embroidered on the cover.

Peach thread.

Taking in every feature. Every detail. Every cut-dry fact… she relaxed.

_Everything is in order now. _

_Everything will stay the same._

_Everyone will stay._

_No one else will ever leave._

_If I can remain strong, no one will suffer._

_If it's for them,_

_I can do it._

Slowly, she grazed her fingers along the ten seams that held her life together.

_One._

She cracked the window slightly.

_Two._

As if scheduled, a gentle breeze crept in and sent a chill up her spine.

_Three._

It tousled her hair.

_Four,_

_Five,_

_Six,_

Bittersweet.

_Seven._

It will always remind her of that night.

_Eight,_

_Nine,_

_Ten,_

Inescapable.

-

Shocked that the memories that she had tried so hard to suppress were coming back, she channeled her focus on her diary for a second time.

"**Happy Birthday Orihime" **

It was a present. From the kanashi-mentaike lover himself, Ichigo.

After unwrapping her presents in careful haste she had lunged herself at him, and with absolute gratitude, knocked him into the table… into the cake.

On the back.

Embroidered in a shimmering gray, almost silver thread.

Two crystal like flowers.

"**Inoue!"**

Hibiscuses, to be exact.

"**Ah Kurosaki-kun. I'll clean that up right away. Don't move!"**

Although the cake was ruined, she was happy. She was always happy. She was Orihime Inoue, and it was her birthday… nothing could go wrong.

"**Make a wish"**

She wanted to cry. Not from grief, but from excitement. All her friends were there. They each wished her a happy birthday, and they each were beaming at her. She was the soul of the group. And in remaining so, she never failed. They needed her to live, and she needed them…

…she stopped.

"No further…" she whispered to herself.

"…please… not yet…"

She new what came next… and wished she had forgotten.

She picked up her pen and tried again…

_Dear Diary,_

_You are my friend. You are my sister. You are me._

_I bring sorrow to your pages, to alleviate my distress. _

_I bring romance to your lines, to dwell in undying love. _

_I bring joy to your margins, to smile another day._

_Burdened with my tears and secrets, I adore you. _

_This is why I love you._

_You're always there to listen. When no one else can hear._

_Waiting for me to let slip the thoughts that bear down on me._

_You help me hide that which should not be seen. _

_A side of me so dark. A side without light._

_Tell them… I can not. _

_For, then they would worry needlessly. _

_They need only smile._

_They need only laugh._

_They need only to go on…_

_and I… accept that._

_So I put on a brave front._

_I stand tall, I stand always._

_For them I shall live._

_For them I shall die._

_For them… I write to you……_

* * *

Author's Note part two!: Okay. I'm slightly confused. So if you are. Good. We're on the same page -. Don't worry… as I said before, this is more like an introduction. All chapters following this will shed light on the story...

This idea just came to me... had to write something... and this is what came out ...

maybe I should've edited first... lol

* * *


	2. A moment in time

**Disclaimer:** Je ne suis pas propriétaire des personnages de Bleach.

**Author's Note:** Um. Sorry for taking forever with this chapter. I'd like to thank: Artificial Life Creator, Bleach Addict and PrincessOfHeartsNYP for being my first reviewers ever! (-)

* * *

Diary2. (-Remembrance--): A Moment In Time…

* * *

"**Inoue!"**

They were calling for her.

It was Thursday. Which meant it was her turn to decide where they were going to eat.

"**Come on Inoue, stop staring into space…"**

"**Ah. Hai. Gomen Tatsuki-chan. I'll be there in a second…"**

She turned to the window display of and old antique shop nearby.

Tossed to the side, presumably in a hurry, was an old pocket watch. It had rusted with time but still ticked perfectly as the day it was made. After a few lingering moments, she dashed after her friends.

* * *

**"Inoue!"**

They were calling for her.

It was Thursday. Which meant it was her turn to pick the restaurant.

But nothing was going as scheduled.

**"Come on Inoue, stop staring into space…"**

**"Ah. Hai. Gomen. I'll be there in a second…"**

She dashed after her friends as she would have on any given Thursday. Yet, this time, it wasn't because they were hungry.

With each step she heaved, her chest rising and falling as she realized how far behind she had gotten. She panicked.

_What am I going to do!_

Her hand reached up to her hair. Good. It was still there.

**"Tsubaki!" **she cried.

Out flew a dark silhouette from her hair clip.

**"About time you good for nothing girl!"**

**"Ah…"**

With that she spun around and braced herself. With her hands in front of her…

**"koten zanshun! watashi wa kyozetsu suru!"**

Two barriers formed on each side of the dark fairy-like figure. As she uttered the last syllables the tiny being darted straight in the direction she had been pointing.

As he approached his target… ((slice))

**"Ha ha ha ha …. you think this pathetic flying elf can stop me?"**

The voice was deep and it resonated everywhere. As she directed her glance upwards Inoue came face to face with theAdjucha that had been chasing her down for the past 30 minutes.

**"Tsubaki!" **she cried.

**"Tsubaki? Is that what it's called? Ha. You should be more worried about yourself, human. Ah"**

It grinned.

**"It's been a while since I've had such a delectable meal… Ah your skin, it looks so soft… It probably tastes really…"**

As it reached for her she felt little fingers grabbing onto her hair, and then tugging, causing her to fall backwards and out of her trance.

**"Ah. Tsubaki… are you alright…"**

**"Well -cough- you wouldn't have to ask that if you weren't so stupid! What was that? You call that an intent to kill? How many times do I have to tell you? If you don't mean it, if you don't feel it in your heart… I'M GONNA GET KILLED ONE OF THESE DAYS"**

**"Ah. Gomen Tsubaki…"**

She lowered her head. ((slap))

**"What are you apologizing for! Hurry up and fix me you imbecile. I don't know if you've forgotten, but there's a god damn hollow after you! and not just ANY hollow, an adjucha for crying out loud."**

**"Ah… of course…"**

With her hands finding themselves once more beside her clips she called out…

**"Ayame! Shun'o!"**

Two brightly colored figures flew out. Similar in size to Tsubaki, but with an air of gentleness.

**"What's the matter Orihime?"**

It came from the first figure. Dressed in a red robe with pastel green wings… Shun'o.

Beside her was Ayame. The shyest of all her fairy friends.

**"She wrecked me is what! No matter how many times you hammer it into her head she'll always forget."**

**"Zip it up Camellia-boy. She's trying the best she can…"**

**"ah… soten kisshun! watashi wa kyozetsu suru!"**

The two female fairies flew around Tsubaki. Standing on opposite ends they formed a shield around him.

_This is going to take a while…_

Suddenly realizing how much time she spent conversing, she looked around.

Of course.

Right before she had been attacked, while she was still arguing with Tsubaki, Ichigo had defended her. With him was Uryuu and Sado… How could she have not realized? They were in the midst of battle… defending her life… and all she had done was waste time as her fairies argued amongst themselves. They too… were arguing on her behalf.

A hand.

**"Come on Inoue… Let's head back."**

She reached for it.

**"Oh and here's your clock thing…"**

She reached for it.

It was the pocket watch from an antique store she saw a while ago. She had returned later that day to buy it because she thought it was a cute little knick knack. She also thought it was symbolic of their friendship.

She believed they would stand the test of time. Their bodies may bend and wither with the unforgiving years. But their loyalty shall remain intact. As pure as that day.

* * *

_Dear Diary,_

_I can remember clearly each time I went out into the night with them to fight a hollow. It wasn't often… As a matter of fact… as time went by they asked me to stay back more often. _

_I understood. _

_I was a burden. _

_Always so empty-headed. And I hadn't even mastered my power yet. _

_Every time we embarked on a mission I endangered everyone including myself._

_I'm useless…_

_But they always acted as if it didn't bother them. They were always there to protect me no matter what._

_Maybe that's why… when "IT" happened I wasn't prepared. They were always there to protect me… with an exception…. that one time. With which… I threw away… without hesitation… the symbol of our friendship. _

_I felt betrayed._

_I felt alone._

_I felt foolish._

_If only they hadn't "baby" me all the time. If only I hadn't become so dependent. If only I had learned to protect myself. Maybe… I wouldn't have to pretend._

She closed the book. That was enough for tonight.

**"Tomorrow…"**

**Author's Notes (part two!):** "watashi wa kyozetsu suru" is what Inoue chants as she attacks/defends… "I reject!" (she says that after the name of the attack).

When Ayame calls Tsubaki "Camellia-boy" it's because each of the 6 fairies are named after a specific flower… and, well… that's him.

Um… yea. review please -


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